Friend crashing on couch really throws off man’s masturbation schedule

Local frustrated man Colin Hughett hasn't masturbated in almost four days.
Local frustrated man Colin Hughett hasn’t masturbated in almost four days.

MINNEAPOLIS – According to homeowner and bachelor Colin Hughett, having his friend Doug Webber crashing on the couch for the last several days has greatly reduced the quality and frequency of his masturbation sessions. “The couch is right outside my bedroom door,” said Hughett. “That makes it pretty hard to get in the mood.” Hughett, who normally tries to pleasure himself at least once a day, now feels comfortable doing so only when his friend is out of the house. Webber, who was recently evicted from his apartment, is currently unsure of how long it will take him to find a new place. “That’s definitely the worst part,” said Hughett, staring into space. “The not knowing.” 

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