A tortoise currently participating in a race against a hare is reportedly starting to have serious doubts about his chances of winning. This is the second race between the tortoise and the hare, the first of which tortoise won through steady progress and perseverance. “Hare is kind of a dick, but he’s not stupid,” said tortoise. “I’m sure he’s not going to take a nap halfway through the race like last time.” Witnesses reported seeing hare far ahead of tortoise, pacing himself, but still moving much, much faster than tortoise. “Why did I agree to this rematch?” asked tortoise. “I mean, I’m a fucking tortoise.” Ị