Santa Claus, Father Of Christmas, Dies At 1,744

Jonathan_G_Meath_portrays_Santa_ClausNORTH POLE – Santa Claus, the popular father of Christmas and bringer of joy to millions, was found dead today in his North Pole home. He was 1,744.

Claus, also known as Kris Kringle and Saint Nicholas, will be remembered as the well-fed, rosy-cheeked man in the red suit who traveled the world on Christmas Eve delivering toys to the children he deemed well-behaved.

The official cause of death has not been released, but sources close to Claus confirmed that the stress of travelling around the world in a flying sleigh while consuming massive quantities of cookies and milk almost certainly played a role.

Services will be held at 10 am tomorrow at the North Pole Lutheran Church. Claus is survived by his wife and reindeer.

 

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