Pope Francis Announces Church’s New ‘Free Love Policy’

shutterstock_170215904VATICAN CITY – In a stunning announcement yesterday, Pope Francis voiced his support of a “more laid back” approach to marriage and issues involving sexual acts between consenting adults. Francis made it clear that he believes everyone, including himself, should be free to engage in sexual relations with whomever they want, whenever they want. “The church needs to get with the times,” the Holy Father stated in his address over St. Peter’s Square. “I mean, what’s the big deal?” Pope Francis has been praised for his more progressive agenda in the past, but most Vatican analysts predicted it would take at least another 1,000 years for someone to tell them to stop trying to control the personal lives of grown adults.

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