Fans To Adrian Peterson: “Couldn’t You Have Just Driven Drunk?”

Adrian_Peterson_(cropped)ALL OVER MINNESOTA – In response to the horrific acts of child abuse perpetrated by the Vikings star running back, sports fans across Minnesota are asking why Adrian Peterson “couldn’t have just driven drunk or something.” Both die-hard and casual fans alike agree they could look past a DUI or sex scandal, but this is going too far. “We’ve stood by our players through some pretty crazy shit,” commented Minnetonka man Drew Syverson. “Remember Brett Favre and the penis picture thing? Or Randy Moss running over that traffic guard? This is just too messed up.” Many frustrated fans have vowed to stop watching football altogether. “All he had to do was not kill or harm any innocent people,” Syverson conluded. “And he just couldn’t fucking do it.”

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