Divided Congress not even looking at each other during discourse anymore
World’s extremists vow to keep ruining things for everyone else
“It was worth it” says man blinded after staring at eclipse
President’s colon warns of “fire and fury” if fast food diet continues
World braces itself as Trump realizes he can bomb stuff he doesn’t like
Sean Spicer apologizes for every decision he’s ever made
Networks to add “bullshit” after all Spicer statements
“Bernie would have won” Sanders supporters helpfully remind everyone
This shit is actually happening
